The Great Debate of Working Mom vs Stay At Home Mom has been going on for centuries, but even though we are living in a world where women are empowering women, we are still overwhelmed by mom guilt and judgment.
Becoming a mother is a joyous experience. The moment our little ones enter this world, we naturally just know what to do to care for them. We've had plans in place of how they would enter this world and how they would be raised in this world. That is until judgement and the overwhelming anxiety of wanting to make the right choice fills the air. It seems like everyone has an opinion on how we should raise our children. It becomes so overwhelming wondering if you should use store bought diapers or cloth, to swaddle them or to not, to use a binky, breast feeding vs formula, and literally every other minor detail of their life. There is one topic that seems to be the biggest debate: to go back to work or to stay at home.
I feel like we all battle with ourselves when making this choice and some of us simply don't have the choice either way. You may have to work, because otherwise you won't be able to afford food or diapers. You may have to stay home and care for the family, because you can't afford child care or don't have family to help you out. What you choose to do as a mother is not always going to be right for someone else. We are all trying to do our best and motherhood is going to look different in every home. The choice you make to work, stay at home, or work from home is yours! Instead of criticizing what other moms do, we should be supporting one another, and uplifting each other.
Being a mom is hard and the truth is we are all good moms!
I thought it would be helpful to get the perspective of other moms and their experience of their current career choices. I reached out to friends, family, bloggers, and boss babes to share their stories with you. A huge thank you goes out to these women, sharing a personal opinion, being transparent, and authentic like this can be extremely difficult for some. These women are incredible mothers and inspire me daily to be a better version of myself. Please, be sure to click on their links to visit their blogs, social media pages, or business pages.
Hello! My name is Bethany and I’m a 33 year old stay at home mom of two girls (ages 4 & 6).
Choosing to be a stay at home mom was not an easy choice to make as I was very career driven prior to becoming pregnant with our first child. It all boiled down to finances as we do not live near family members that could provide childcare. I was still paying off hefty student loans so even if I got a full time teaching position, I’d be breaking even with the costs of childcare. With that being said, I chose to put my teaching career on hold to work part-time instead. I was able to work opposite of my husband’s schedule to avoid childcare costs. I actually worked 4 years opposite of my husband. It was chaos because when he came home, I had to go, and while it was nice to get out of the house to interact with other adults, it caught up to me. It’s draining being “go go go” all day and into the evening while barely seeing your significant other. I definitely saw a snippet of how working mom’s feeling of being burned out would be.
For the past 2.5 years, I’ve been a full time stay at home mom. I must say that it is easier to be completely available for everyone due to school schedules, doctor appointments, etc. and having an open schedule provides less stress as well as more opportunity. Also, time is something you cannot get back in life and I’m very grateful that I have the time to spend with my girls. While it may seem like a dream to be a stay at home mom, it can also be a complete nightmare especially during a pandemic. I feel everything is amplified because there’s no escape. You get cabin fever because you are trapped with children who need socialization, but can’t so you’re juggling different emotions across the household amongst all. It’s a mental struggle because I feel like my anxiety and patience is much worse from this pandemic. When the girls went to in person school, I at least caught a break and they got the socialization that they needed. Not to mention the socialization that I needed too, because being a stay at home mom is very lonely.
Being a mom is extremely tough. Regardless of being a working mom or stay at home mom, it is mentally and physically hard on varying levels. I feel not one is harder than the other nor better than the other. I feel like we both envy what the other has, but there should be a respect for both sides. We are all in this together, in trying to raise our kids into healthy, and happy little humans.
You can follow Bethany here: @imperfectlyrealmom
I am a military spouse and a stay-at-home parent for my two children (6 and 3).
Being a military stay-at-home mom (SAHM) can be challenging as the military can bring many ups and downs combined with a lack of consistency in schedules. Not including normal military work days and hours, my husband travels a lot for training, work-ups, and is currently preparing for deployment. Being a SAHM is not a 9 to 5 job; especially as a military spouse. There are nights my husband doesn’t get home in time for dinner and doesn’t see the kids until the next day. Then there are those long weeks or months when he’s gone, and I have to take over both roles, and do everything on my own. We don’t live near family to get help and I always feel exhausted, but I truck along.
As a military spouse it is hard to build a career, unless you have a mobile career, because you move to another state or country every few years. We have to find the peace in putting our careers on hold and realize that staying home with the kids is not less important. What I love most about being a SAHM is the everlasting bond I have created with my children. I am not only their mother, but also their first teacher, friend, and fan. I am there for every milestone, boo-boo, and tantrum. I am a constant in an environment which is always changing. I am always there for them and will drop whatever I am doing to give 100% of myself to them. Watching them grow into smart, loving, kind human beings is one of the greatest pleasures of my life.
I learned to become one of the most influential people to my children by managing their nutrition, schedules, and activities. With the help of my husband we have shaped their values and beliefs. While my husband is away, my kids depend on me to be there for them through every difficult moment and maintain stability in our household. The unique thing about being a military SAHM is the community support system. Mom’s just like me band together to create a family environment to build up and boost one another to give us the energy to keep our little ones safe.
You can follow Kalyn here: @kalyncraven
You can shop Kalyn's Etsy store here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/LilysBowtiquenThings
I am a work outside the home - part time mom to 6 littles.
After being a mom for almost a decade and to 6 littles, there is so much that I’ve learned. Unfortunately, I was one of those working moms that said the stay at home moms had it easy! HA! But this was also at a time when I was working outside the home and was gone 14 hours a day. I genuinely thought it would be easier to stay home all day and not worry about the pick-up, and drop off, and the super chaotic schedule of working with kids. Of course, fast forward a few years and I was a stay at home mom of 3 and my world was rocked. Being a stay at home mom is rough, y'all!
After experiencing both sides, I can be confident in saying there are pros and cons to each, but mainly:
If you are a working mom, you have very little time to do anything. There is also the mom guilt that comes with being gone, and when you’re gone all you want to do is be back at home with your kids. You feel like you are missing out on everything. For me, it felt like I was working so someone else could raise my son.
As a stay at home mom, however, you are constantly home with your kids and there are NO breaks. You long for the days when you can be just you again, without the constant begging for snacks and drinks. It’s almost as if you can’t appreciate your kids because they are always there.
Although many feel it is a competition, there is no winning with this debate. In my experience, if you’re out of the house you will long to be home and if you’re home you will long to be gone.
My advice: If you are feeling stuck, opt for part time work. Getting out of the house a day or two a week will help tremendously with your mental help. You don’t have to be gone all day every day, but you also get a decent break to breathe!
You can follow Amy here: @organizedchaoschronicles
You can visit Amy's blog here: www.organizedchaoschronicles.com
Hi! I'm Sierra and Milo will be 5 in just a few short months.
For the first 2 years I was a stay at home mom and for the last 3 years I have been a working mom. So I have experienced it from both sides! Of course I loved being a stay at home mom, but I love being a working mom as well.
I miss spending so much time with him, but working also makes me appreciate the time that we do have together. I also love having a sense of independence and being able to provide for my family. I think whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom, as long as you show your kids love, you’re doing it right!
You can follow Sierra here: @sierrahalee
Current situation: I’m working full-time, mostly from home, but 1-2 days a week in an office 1.5 hours away. My 1.5 year old son is in daycare 3 days a week, and my mom and mother-in-law split the other days. During COVID, there are days when daycare is closed, so either I wrangle my toddler while working, or my family/friends come over and help. I’m very blessed with supportive family and friends. This allows me to still spend tons of time with my son, but also be able to get work done. I’m also currently studying for the LSAT, so my husband primarily takes evening duty once he gets home from his full-time job.
Current opinion: If you have an opinion about anyone else’s situation but your own, save it! Everyone does what is best for them and their family, and often times it can change depending on the needs or goals of your family. For example, sometimes it might make more sense to stay home and the next year it might make more sense to work “outside the home.” Do what works for you and stop judging others.
You can follow Molly here: @mollyyykathleen
Hey! It's Me! I'm a mom of two littles (8 & 4) and I've been a stay at home mom, a work from home mom, and a work outside the home mom.
I've been a mom for almost 8 years now- WOW! I started out by being a stay at home mom with my first baby and had the ability to stay home with my second while he was young. I know I was lucky for my situation. My husband and I were both young when we welcomed our first child. He worked and never pushed me or asked me to work while our daughter was a baby. Although, seeing him stressed everyday over debt, bills, and needs, I felt that I needed to help in some way. I decided to join my mom in a out sourcing self employment job. I was able to do this from home, bringing in the equivalent income of a part time job, and still be able to care for my daughter. I did this job for 7.5 years!
While working from home, trying to figure out where I belonged as a young adult/young mom, and trying to find my purpose in life outside of being a mom... I took up a few jobs along the way. I started a blog that lasted maybe a month haha. I was asked to help in a few sweets table styling photo shoots by my sister-in-law; making small appearances with crafty items I made. I was even reached out by Twinkle Twinkle Party Magazine and asked to make a specific item for her Annual Gingerbread Party Shoot. I was featured in that magazine and I still count this as a huge accomplishment in my life. After that, I opened a Etsy shop and sold custom painted wooden letter nursery names. I became pretty popular on Facebook Market place and I even shipped them outside of the country! I started to get so many orders that I couldn't keep up. I also faced a lot of mom guilt. I felt like most of my time was given to two jobs and not to my family. After about a year, I closed my Etsy shop.
We still needed more of an income and I really had no clue how I would make that possible. My husband started to encourage me to take a job outside of the home. I had never had a "real" job in the public eye before, but I took a job as a assistant activities director at a nursing home. I loved it! YES! I felt guilty leaving my daughter. YES! I felt like I was making the worse decision. YES! I cried about it and apologized to my daughter and begged for guidance. We made it work around our schedules and my husband was able to watch our daughter while I worked. I only worked part-time, a couple days out of the week, but it felt so good to be able to leave for a couple hours. I got to be myself and have relationships with peers. I missed the social interactions. Don't be mistaken, coming home to cook dinner at 6pm and rushing around to get things done before bed was rough. Throw in potty training into the mix, sending our daughter to speech therapy/preschool, being pregnant for a second time, and you have a recipe for disaster. After about a year working there, I parted ways due to pregnancy and focused on our home life.
I am so glad that I did not have to find a job when my second child came. He was way harder of baby than his sister. This tested my every day patience and I struggled terribly being a mom to two. Can you believe that I'm still trying to convince my husband to let me have a third?! HA! Seriously though, being a mom to more than one child comes with a lot of challenges. My mom and everyone I know basically makes it seem like it's a cake walk. It's so hard. I've had really good days and I've had my share of really really bad days. I knew I needed a change of routine when my son was 2 years old. I didn't know what that would be and we had a plan in place. I wasn't going to work outside the home until my son was 5 years old and in kindergarten.
Cue the pandemic of 2020- the year everyone's world was tossed upside down. The out sourcing job I've had for 7.5 years was hit hard and simply couldn't supply us with enough work for me to make my average monthly income. I decided it was time to leave and reluctantly find a job. I cried over having to find a job daily. I hated that I had to find a job. I had anxiety about having to try to make an income during a pandemic that was killing people. I battled with myself over it, I hated everything that was happening around me, and I dealt with the anxiety I never knew I had. A few job interviews later, begging for guidance again, and a fair share of me yelling at myself in the car, I was given a job as a chiropractic assistant. I loved this job more than any other job I have ever had before. I loved the patients, I loved my co-workers, and I loved that this job required us to be active. I knew this job would be good for me mentally and physically. My husband and my parents shared watching our kids. I was happy! I was genuinely happy to leave, work 8hrs/4days a week, come home late to make dinner, and having only the weekend to catch up on laundry. Back at home, my husband was struggling to help our daughter with online homeschooling and getting only 3 hours of sleep a day. He works 3rd shift and that just wasn't going to fly; his body couldn't do that. He basically begged me to come back home. Long enough to get our daughter through home schooling and send her back to school in the second half of the year. I couldn't believe I was so torn by choosing a career I really loved and being there for my family that needed me. I chose to help my family, even though I really wanted to be selfish for once and stay at my job.
Currently, I am working part-time as a Instacart shopper. I work 3-5 hours for 4-5 days out of the week. I still need an income to pay my bills and help our family by paying for the groceries. I get to be flexible; allowing me to be there for my children and also make a income. I like that I still get to be social and I get a break from being "mom". I discovered that I am the type of mom that needs breaks away from my family in order to have more patience and to be kinder. I use to think that made me a awful mother, but actually there is nothing wrong with that. The constant begging for snacks and juice drives me crazy. I love my little monsters more than anything in the world, but I just need a little time to be "Jackie" too. Knowing what I need to make myself be a better mother; makes me a good mom.
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