Spring is upon us and so are two birthdays for my little spring chicks. We just celebrated my son's birthday this month (March) and my daughters birthday is a short two months away in May. My babies aren't really babies anymore. I thought it be nice to walk down memory lane again and tell their birth stories.
My second pregnancy (and probably my last) was the complete opposite of my first. My first pregnancy (with my daughter) I had no signs or symptoms of being pregnant. That was not the case with this pregnancy. I knew I was pregnant early on before I even tested. My chest became EXTREMELY sensitive. I couldn't handle wearing a bra or anything touching them. After I tested positive, I started to have food aversions to the point I couldn't handle the sight, taste, or look of food unless it was meat. I CRAVED meat. I just wanted steaks and burgers. A McDonalds Double Quarter Pounder with cheese was the most heavenly thing the first trimester.
This time around was fun and a little less stressful. We were two years into our marriage, doing well financially, had an apartment I loved, and we were ready to tell our parents. It was fun to tell them without wondering if you were going to be scolded for being pregnant. Which that never happened with the first one, but I didn't know how they would react the first time. We made plans to go to breakfast with both our parents on Grandparents Day with our daughter too. At breakfast, we gave them Grandparents Day cards with a picture of our ultrasound inside it. Everyone was so happy and so excited for us!
The rest of the pregnancy was not bad, thankfully. I was told by my doctor to not gain more then 15lbs again (still in the overweight category). I gained 20-25 lbs with my son. I'm so thankful that I was blessed with both pregnancies to be able to loose all that pregnancy weight in one week after having my babies.
Jaxon was not breeched during this pregnancy, but due to what we found out with my first pregnancy ( you can read that here) it was not safe to do a V-Bac. I would be having a second C-section. This time around I was prepared and had a birth plan! I did not want a epidural. I was going to ask to be put to sleep from the beginning to avoid what happened last time. My doctor was totally on board with it and Aaron supported it for the most part. He did have feelings of wanting to be able to experience one of his children being born though. I could understand that, but I was terrified to even chance it.
Unfortunately, you can make all the birth plans before hand and most of that plan is never going to happen. We had so many changes in our scheduling for the C-section, a last minute change of doctor, and then my son decided to pick his own birthday. We were NOT prepared!
He's Coming When?
The last month of my pregnancy was so stressful. When you have a scheduled C-section, you know exactly when you're going to show up to the hospital and have that baby. You can schedule your whole life around it and plan for family to have the day off to come visit. Except, we had so many date changes that my husband was becoming very irritated. Jaxon's due date was March 25th. We loved the idea of scheduling his birthday to be March 21st. This way Jaxon, Aaron, and Aerianna would all share the same birthday number and they're all 1 month apart from each other. March, April, and May! I'm the odd one out born in December.
As much as we loved the idea, we were told that was TOO close to his due date. We needed to select something more of a week out. Therefore, his birthday was scheduled for March 15th. We chose the 15th because my birthday number is the 15th. We thought it be cute. Then we were called and told we couldn't have him on the 15th because of schedule changes. His new birth date would be March 17th. We thought that was kind of cool to have him born on St. Patrick's Day. We even made sure we bought green shirts and a St. Patrick's Day onesie to dress him in.
The week before my scheduled C-section, my doctor that I had throughout the entire pregnancy, told me he was going on a cruise that weekend. He would be back on Monday and in time for our scheduled C-section. BUT. In the meantime, we were introduced to our back up doctor in case anything was to change. This new doctor was not on the same page with my birth plan that was set into place with my original doctor. I was PISSED. Plain and simple. She straight up told me, "No, we can't do that". We can't put you to sleep for the C-section unless medically necessary". I explained the situation that happened with my first pregnancy and she insisted that we tried a Spinal Block instead of an Epidural. All should be fine. I didn't want to agree, I didn't agree, but that became the new plan. My husband tried to help me through that change with the positives: He could witness one of our children being born. You know the guy who isn't a fan of blood. Yup, that guy.
I was checked to see if I was dilated any at all before the weekend. I was not dilated at all. The doctor told me he would see me the morning of our scheduled C-section and off I went. That appt was on a Friday and on Sunday night everything changed!
Jaxon's Birth Day
We went to lay down in bed and Aaron was making jokes. Sarcastic jokes like he always does. He's a pretty funny guy and always makes me laugh. Aaron jokingly said "Wouldn't it be funny if your water broke tonight?!" I responded back, "NO! I'm not even packed! Nothing's ready to go! That's not funny!". We laughed and tried to go to sleep. I didn't even fall asleep because my back was killing me. I stood up to go pee and felt like I leaked a little. Which at this point, was a totally normal thing. If I coughed, I peed a little. If I sneeze, I peed a little. That's totally normal after having one child already and then being pregnant again. I got up and went potty. I walked back to bed and tried to lay down. I couldn't! It hurt so much to lay on my back. I nudged Aaron, who was already asleep and had a couple drinks that night before bed. He said, "You're fine. Your back has been hurting this week. Try to lay down and sleep." I just couldn't. I tried and then I felt like I was still leaking.
I wasn't leaking to the point that my underwear were wet, but I thought to myself 'go put on a pad so you don't pee your underwear'. I paced through the hallway. My back pain was getting worse and I was wide awake. At this point, I was getting worried. I tried to wake Aaron up and he was so sound asleep. I called my mom and it was close to midnight at this point. She suggested calling the hospital and asking what I should do. The nurses at the hospital said I could come in and they would check to see what's going on, but it was possible I was in labor.
I packed a small bag of what I thought I would need in case I was going to have a baby. My parents arrived not long after the phone call and I was starting to progressively get worse. My back was so sore it was hard to stand. We were living in an upstairs apartment and I did my best to quickly get my butt down the steps without falling. We drove to the hospital quickly and was assigned to a room in labor and delivery. There a nurse came in to see if I was in labor. Luckily, I was smart and wore a pad. They were able to test to the fluid on the pad to determine that my water broke at home, I was 3 cm dilated, and in active labor. WHAT?! It was about 1am now and they told me I needed to get my husband on the phone or he was going to miss the birth. My mom called him for me and told him if he didn't get here soon he was going to miss it.
He got up, threw clothes on, grabbed what I forgot, grabbed Aerianna, and jumped in the car. He FLEW to the hospital. He got there and didn't miss it, but I don't even want to know how fast he drove. My parents met him downstairs to watch Aerianna because it was 'flu season' and she wasn't allowed up in labor and delivery. Aaron got dressed in scrubs and waited in the hallway of OR for his chance to come inside.
It was close to 2-3am when they took me back into the OR. We followed the substitute doctor's plan since my doctor was on a cruise. I was so mad that I was in labor and wouldn't be following my birth plan in place with my original doctor. They prepped me for the Spinal Block.
What's the difference between a Spinal Block and an Epidural? Both are medically preformed the same way. The spinal cord and the nerves are contained in a sac of cerebrospinal fluid. An Epidural is injected in the space around the sac. A Spinal Block is injected directly into the fluid sac. A spinal block goes into effect immediately.
I've had spinal blocks done for bone marrow taps while I was going through cancer treatments. This should work. Key word: should. This time around I asked for the calming medicine they can give you during a C-section. It reduces your anxiety and is suppose to keep you calm but still aware. The doctors gave me a shot of that through my IV. I didn't feel anything different. They prepped me for the surgery and started the dreaded 'poke test'. I remember telling them something about 'I don't want you to cut, don't cut, where's Aaron?'. I remember constantly asking "Where's Aaron?!". I saw Aaron come in the door and I heard the anesthesiologist say "I'm giving her another dose". Then I blacked out.
Aaron told me later that he sat next to me. He talked to me. He tried to calm me. Apparently, I was unaware that he was there. I was also SCREAMING at everyone to "STOP". I don't remember this at all. I had blacked out. Aaron told the doctors to put me out! The doctors replied to him and told him that they were going to put me to sleep. They couldn't preform the surgery on me if I was acting like that. Aaron left the OR, they put me to sleep, and delivered our son. We were later told, I was given so much of the calming medicine that every nurse and doctor and person in the OR would of been chill. I'm surprised that didn't harm me or my son.
Jaxon Thomas was born March 13th, 2017. He was 7lbs 10z and 21 inches long. He had thin light brown hair (that turned bleach blonde) and blue eyes. Again, I was lucky to have a second baby born without brown eyes. haha. I don't think I would be that lucky if we had a third. He was adorable and has my nose. I was so in love with him. I always wanted a brother growing up and having a son was even better!
Recovery & Motherhood
I was way more prepared this time around for the recovery process after a C-section. I can't fully remember, but I wanna say by that evening after the birth I was wanting up out of bed already. A shower after delivery was my favorite. Even if I had to keep my bandages dry, the warm water made me feel more human.
Caring for Jaxon was simple this time around. We already knew how we wanted to do things, so we just jumped in and did it! Everything was easier this time around and we were anxious to go home! I didn't know how hard transitioning to home life with two children would be though.
At this time in our lives, Aaron was working third shift. He would work all night and sleep the majority of the day. For me at times, it felt like I was a single parent because I was caring for everyone's needs all day and all night on my own. When Aaron was up, he would help me out. My daughter was almost four years old when Jaxon was born and that made things SO much easier. I appreciated the age gap so much more. She was able to help me grab things or do some things for me.
The first week back home I developed a few new allergic reactions. While pregnant with Jaxon I had an allergic reaction to a homemade lip balm that was mint scented. I thought maybe I needed to stay away from homemade products like that since toothpaste that was mint didn't bother me. When we got back home, Aaron had complained about his back hurting and I helped him put Bengay on his back. I washed my hands after, but the next morning my hands and parts of my arms that must of came in contact with it. They were burnt and about blistered from the Menthol in the Bengay. To this day, I can not and do not use Menthol products. No Bengays, no mint life savers, and I have even had to cut back on using mint tooth paste.
I also developed a allergic reaction to MYSELF! I developed postpartum hives caused by delivery. It was awful. Plain and simple, just awful. I had to go to the doctor for that too and get medicine to rid it. The only thing that helped me through it were HOT showers. I HATE hot showers and I had that water cranked to full blast. They cleared up after a week, but I could not believe that was something common in many women.
Lastly, I believe but not medically determined, that I may of been experiencing Postpartum Anxiety and Postpartum Depression. I believe this was a issue for me, because at night when Jaxon would wake up and need to eat, I would be very mad at him. I never harmed him or ignored him, but sometimes I would lay there hoping he would just go back to sleep. There were other times I felt deep anger and hated him for waking up. I would sit on my bed and feed him his bottle and just cry, because I felt bad for being mad at him. I knew he needed me and relied on me. Except, I was exhausted and tried and didn't want to be awake to feed him. That's when I knew, I thought I was battling with some kind of Postpartum issue.
I believe I started having Postpartum Anxiety or maybe just developing Anxiety in general, because I panicked the first time I had to go to the grocery store. I was avoiding it at all cause. I was having my husband go for me or I made sure I could go without my kids. My husband tried to encourage me to take them. Basically, face my fears. The night before I went grocery shopping, I was in a panic and worrying about all the things that would go wrong. How was I going to feed my son if he got hungry while we were out? What if he cries? What if my daughter had to go potty? I couldn't handle it. The next day we did go to the grocery store and made it only 5 minutes in the store. My son started crying. We went back to the car and I thought a bottle would help. I was crying in the parking lot feeding him and a random woman came over to talk to me. She was a mom too and reassured me that I could do this. She took a minute out of her day to encourage me and calm me.
If you think you are dealing with Postpartum Anxiety or Postpartum Depression, reach out to your doctor and get help! I never told my doctor. I never got help. I was afraid they would medicate me. I should of reached out.
Will We Ever Have Another?
Never say never. I go back and forth with wanting another baby. My heart and head fight over it. My heart says yes. I would love to have a third baby, because I always thought I would end up having three kids. I love the idea of large families, probably because both my mother and father come from families that had 5 siblings each! My head on the other hand, says no. I know financially it would cost us more money to feed our family, more money spent on clothes, more money spent on things we've already donated and sold, and we would need a larger home. I fear I would go through Postpartum Anxiety/Depression again. It would be my third C-section too. I have had talks with my doctor about the safety around that. She has advised me that having one more would be her suggested limit for me. Multiple C-sections can become harder for the skin to heal. The age gap would be close to 5 to 6+ years between Jaxon and a new baby and 8-10+ between Aerianna and a new baby. I don't like the idea of such a huge age gap. Aaron has also voiced his opinion and doesn't want anymore.
We've gotten to a place where were both ready to travel more with our kids. We are doing well finically and can afford what we have and then some. Our kids are at independent ages and stages now. We're both just ready to start living life, exploring and making more memories with our children. I say, never say never, because things happen. I could accidently get pregnant again and we would end up having a third. We would have the baby and love it just as much as any other child we have. That doesn't mean we are trying and we are actively preventing anymore children. Although, feelings could change, situations could change, and the outcome could be different.
For now, we are happy. We feel our family is complete with one girl and one boy. We are just ready to watch them grow and form their personalities, likes, and dislikes. However our future looks, we are ready to live it and enjoy it!
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