You may of noticed that I haven't been posting as much to social media in the last two months. It was not my intentions to totally drop off the face of the Earth. If you read my last blog post: 6 Pasta-tively Easy Pasta Dishes you will know that I gave you a mini life update of my totally random freak accident. Well boy has my life and lifestyle changed so much more since. Let's spill the tea.
1. Life Throws Curve Balls
"Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale through the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful."
- L.R. Knost
Never in my life, ever, did I think I would hurt myself so badly on a dang broken spaghetti jar. Never did I ever think it would cause so many life changes. Never did I ever think I would have to stop working for so long. Never did I ever think it would lead to surgery. Never did I ever think it would be life threatening.
We had literally just paid off a TON of bad debt. We were incredibly proud of ourselves and could see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Throw in my husband changing jobs, me being back to working, and planning ahead for all the fun we were going to have this upcoming summer. I was doing well with my blog, Instagram following, and started filming YouTube Videos about Instacarting. I had just landed my very first paid partnership with a company I was very excited to work with! Then one minor accident changed EVERYTHING!
I was putting groceries away and a glass spaghetti jar had slipped out of a plastic grocery bag and shattered on my kitchen floor. Except, I didn't hear it when it happened. I was focused on putting groceries away, getting lunch for myself and my son, and then heading back out to work. I didn't even feel the glass go through the bottom of my foot or come back out. Honestly, I turned around and was like "Are you kidding me?! Now I have this huge mess to clean up?!" It wasn't till I flipped my spaghetti sauce soaked sock over and saw the skin of my foot sliced open. I thought it was just a really bad straight cut. That was until I removed my sock and realized the ball of my foot was nearly sliced off and hanging on by 1/8-1/4 inch of skin.
Fast forward a bit, 16 stitches later, skin not reattaching, skin and tissue died, had an appointment at a wound clinic, and then scheduled a surgical debridement. At this point I was already close to being a month laid up. After surgery, I would not be back to normal or walking normal for at least two more months! This has been incredibly stressful since my husband changed his job. We made that decision together knowing I would be working as well. Now we were relying on just my husbands income and he was panicking. Luckily, all things work out and all things happen for a reason. We were able to come up with back up plans to afford groceries and medical bills. We are very thankful that hospitals have financial assistance. Without it, we would be buried in medical bills.
A week after surgery, I was at home struggling to breathe. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me as I had dizzy spells, cold sensations rushing through my chest and arms, short of breath, and some other symptoms throughout the morning and early afternoon. I tried to understand my body and work through whatever it was from 9:30am to about 3:00pm. Until I caved and went to the ER to be checked. They rushed me to have a CT scan where they discovered I had 3 blood clots in my lungs. While at the ER, I blacked out from having trouble breathing. We weren't told what happened in that moment. I am not sure if I stopped breathing all together or just was extremely shallow. They took my mom out of my room and doctors and nurses got me back to being "stable". They had put a oxygen mask over my face when I came to and had it on full 100% oxygen. They transferred me by life flight to a hospital an hour away, to monitor me, and give me medicine to unblock the clots.
Thankfully, after four days in the hospital, I was allowed to return home. Thankfully, it wasn't worse. Thankfully, we caught it when we did and the blood clot didn't continue to travel or cause more damaging effects. I am incredibly thankful and blessed. As a nurse put it, "You have a purpose. You were put here for a purpose." I don't know what purpose that is, but if it has anything to do with me cheating death about four to five times; I am over it. I need a knew purpose. haha.
So why did I get 3 blood clots in my lungs? Simple.
1. I have been taking birth control for 12 years (except during the two pregnancies in between there) and birth control has it's own risk factors for blood clots.
2. I injured my foot and was told not to put weight on it or move around much by the ER and Urgent Care; therefore I sat on my couch for about 2 weeks before I actually moved around much. Little did we know the blood clot started out and formed in my left leg (the same side as injured foot) then broke off and traveled to my lungs.
3. I then had surgery on the wound and you should always be cautious and aware of blood clot symptoms after any kind of surgery.
Wound. Birth Control. Surgery. It was triple threat.
The doctors took me off birth control and put me on blood thinners for the next 3 to 6 months. Hopefully only three. Please, I am praying for only three. This brings us to life update number two.
2. Trust The Process
I have always thought I would have three children. Ever since I was little, I wanted to grow up and be different than my parents by having three children instead of two. Sounds silly, but as I got older I still always felt like I would be a mom of three. That was until we had our first baby and realized pregnancies are not going to be natural.
My first pregnancy was extremely easy. I had no signs of pregnancy symptoms except a positive pregnancy test. All three trimesters felt like a breeze... except one minor detail. My little baby didn't want to flip. She was breeched. Doctors gave her time to flip on her own and if she didn't I would have a C-section. Being young and terrified of natural birth anyway, I wasn't too concerned about a C-section when surgeries were normalized to me at a early age.
Trust The Process. Everything happens for a reason. My daughter saved herself by being breeched. We did not know until I had my C-section that my uterus is misshaped. A natural birth could of ended up causing my baby to get stuck and suffocate. They also discovered I only have one fallopian tube, but both ovaries. Only one ovary can release eggs into the uterus though. My chances of getting pregnant in the first place were 50/50.
I then went on to have a healthy second pregnancy, a second C-section, and a second healthy little baby. We discussed during that pregnancy about tying my tubes. I was only 22 when I gave birth to my son. I cried over the thought of that being my last pregnancy. I felt like I was way too young to make that decision yet; to be done. I was worried about making the wrong decision, then wanting another down the road, and wouldn't be able to. After that pregnancy, dealing with some undiagnosed and untreated post partum anxiety, and discussing if we ever thought we would have another, we landed on a answer.
That answer was a mutual: No.
Until it wasn't.
Babies grow up and we get baby fever all over again. I started to want a third baby again, but it wasn't in our cards. I fought internally with that a lot. I've had a hard time trying to make myself be okay with the fact we would probably never have a third baby and that was going to be okay. I tried to see the benefits of being done; returning to work, having my time back, independent children, being able to travel more and further away, factors of expenses, etc. It made it easier to close that door of our life and be happy in the moment we were living.
The thought was still there in the back of my mind. My heart would say yes, but my brain would say no. I had a discussion with my OBGYN about how to handle life going forward. Being on birth control for years and years is not exactly healthy for you. I asked her if having one more pregnancy would be safe. Could I have one more C-section? Is that safe? She said for me, one more pregnancy, and a third C-section would be my limit. After that, it would be advised to tie my tubes. We still decided to keep that door closed and be happy with what we did have. I would just continue taking birth control until who knows when.
Then life happened and laughed in our faces. I never thought I would be going through such a horrific injury caused by a glass jar. Nor did I think it would lead to blood clots and being taken off birth control. Now I am left trying to figure out how to navigate healing my foot, healing my heart and lungs, taking blood thinners, and preventing pregnancy naturally in a nonhormonal way?! WHAT! I don't really stress out about things and have been pretty calm through this all: but WHAT?!
So, what are my options as a "nonhormonal way of preventing pregnancy"?
1. condoms
2. withdraw
3. track your cycle naturally
4. other forms of barriers: sponges, cervical cap, diaphragm
5. spermicides
6. vasectomy
7. Copper IUD
8. Tubal Ligation
To be honest with you, I didn't even know #4 and #5 was even options or a thing. When I was introduced to birth control, it was the pill. That's all I knew and as I got older then I knew about IUD's. Personally, I don't want anything to do with objects inside of me. I am also not a fan of IUD's, the risk factors scare me, and the fact that a copper IUD works by releasing copper in my uterus totally turns me off from ever wanting that. You may have success with it or have a different opinion about that. That's great and I am glad it works for you. I personally am not interested. I also firmly believe that you should not force anyone into making a decision about their body to benefit yourself. That being said, if my husband doesn't want a vasectomy, that's okay with me.
That leaves me with condoms, withdraw, track your cycle naturally, and tubal ligation. Sounds like a fun time. Fun as incredibly stressful. We have discussed our options together and ultimately this is my body. I have control and say about my body and what I want for myself. After a discussion with my OBGYN and talking with my husband, we're going to do our best to prevent pregnancy naturally by tracking my cycles. I physically can't come into her office right now due to my foot injury. Also, I am not interested in IUD's so there's not too many other options for me. I reached out and teamed up with Natural Cycles to help us navigate this journey.
I'll be going into detail more about Natural Cycles in another blog post, but Natural Cycles is the first FDA cleared birth control app! You must be 18 years or older to use and it does not protect you from STI's. Natural Cycles helps guide you to track your ovulation naturally. If this sparks your interest: Use my code JACLYN at Natural Cycles for 20% off your annual subscription and a free thermometer!
Now, even though we are going to track my cycle naturally and use common sense to prevent pregnancy, that doesn't mean I want to be doing this for the next 10-20 years until I go into menopause. You have to be faithful with yourself and committed with you partner to continuously prevent pregnancy naturally. Which can be done! Ideally, this is what I want and how I see this playing out...
I intend to track my cycles naturally and preventing pregnancy during the duration of me taking blood thinners for the next 3 to 6 months. After that, I ideally would like to consider having a third child and then having a tubal ligation. This would give me complete peace of mind. I would have the third child I've been longing for and I would be at peace knowing this pregnancy is my absolute last for safety and health concerns. I can move on with life knowing that chapter is done and not worried about having an accidental pregnancy in my 30s or 40s. There's just one little factor hindering this. Hubby doesn't really want a third child. So will we have a third baby? Will I continue to be in limbo land? I'll keep you updated. I'm going to trust the process and continue to believe that all things happen for a reason. I believe my husband wants whatever is best for me and our family; so I'm hopeful he will come around and agree to having one more and then be done.
3. We Keep Busting Out Renos
Last November, I tackled our Laundry Room that needed major help! It turned out so good, my husband was a tiny bit doubtful of my ideas, and in the end he loves it. Check it out here. You would think with all the medical bills, life set backs, and living off one income that we would halt everything.
For a hot moment, we did! We weren't spending at all besides absolute needs. Then my husband decided to get new carpet that we desperately need in our living room and down the hall way. New carpet gets installed next week! I was completely shocked because it came out of no where and when I ever suggested it, he said a few more years.
He also decided a couple weeks ago that he is going to let me have CHICKENS! My dream to be a chicken farmer is not too far away. Obviously, due to my injury we are not getting them this spring. We will be taking this summer/fall/winter to figure out how we will buy or build a coop and run for the chickens. Then by next spring we will be purchasing my little chicky babies and raising a few hens.
We are moving the garden location and making it much BIGGER! Last year we picked the most awful spot. I love my husband, but it wasn't ideal and I knew that, it's a long story. This year we are moving it out in our most sunny side yard that we do not use. The space we are going to work with is about 45 feet by 55 feet. We are going to create a few raised garden beds from recycled pallets, because wood prices are ridiculous! I'll be planting vegetables like green beans, tomatoes, jalapenos, broccoli, and I want to try my hand at salad greens. We will also be relocating my blueberry bushes and strawberry plants into the garden space. I would also like to start a cut flower garden too. I planted zinnias last year and was totally in love with their vibrant burst of color! I'm very excited to start my garden as soon as I am walking and better from my foot injury.
We are going to be extending our driveway back! This is a minor thing, but for us it's great because we won't be tearing up the yard with the four wheeler in the winter to plow the driveway and my husband can get his motorcycle out with ease. We've been wanting to do this for some time. I'm excited to see that come together.
We bought a NAIL GUN! Insert heart eyes! I've been telling my husband that we need a nail gun to make life easier and he finally bought one! This will make building garden boxes easier, we need to reface our shed this year or in the coming years soon, building the chicken coop, re-decking the porch this year, and literally any other building project we may come along.
4. I'm Branching Out
I have this second Instagram account that I used for accountability in weight loss and I lost interest in it. Brownies and happiness taste better than diets. Honestly, I am just more passionate about other things and it just didn't feel authentic to me. We're creating this soon to be beautiful garden and bringing home chickens, that I thought why not change the page to a Home & Garden space. I present to you my new idea: @daffodilandlilyhomestead
This space over on Instagram will be a little branch off of my blog. I will be posting all garden focused topics to this account and link them to the blog posts over here. Soon you will see a new little garden tab for all your garden needs, my must have items, beginner cut flower gardening, tips, links, chicken farming, etc.
I am excited for it! Still dreaming and bringing all my ideas together, but I would love if you followed us over there if you find joy in gardening, flowers, and chickens too.
Now that I am in better spirits, have more energy, and overall getting around better I hope to be getting back to blogging more and being more present on my social medias. Come chat with me and tell me how you've been up to over on Instagram:
@jaclynrosehome or @daffodilandlilyhomestead
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